


Operation Tommy

by unwillingadventurer



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:22:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26661376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unwillingadventurer/pseuds/unwillingadventurer
Summary: There's a guest at Button House and the ghosts are ready to play their part.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 79





	Operation Tommy

Crowding around outside Mike and Alison’s bedroom door one ordinary morning at Button House, the ghosts glanced at each other as the couple discussed their latest plans to earn a bit of extra money. Mike was looking at his phone whilst Alison was writing a list in a notebook.

“It’s only for the weekend, Mike,” Alison said.

“Yeah, and I’m sure they won’t be too much trouble.”

Fanny shook her head in disagreement, pulling her head back through the door. “Another guest! Who is it this time? We’ve had everybody else. This time why not a serial killer!”

Pat shook his head. “It could be someone perfectly nice, Fanny.”

“I could have a new friend. We could tell each other stories,” Kitty enthused before she began swaying from side to side, singing to herself.

“Yes, well, I for one am not looking forward to meeting them. There’s enough of us in my house already.” Fanny folded her arms and looked upward, her nose in the air.

…

Later that morning, Alison placed down a Moses basket onto the table and watched as the ghosts crowded around, peering inside with various expressions.

Robin pointed. “It baby! It smells!”

Pat sniffed and then smiled. “That’s you, mate.”

“Oh.”

Kitty was swaying again. “A baby, how exciting!”

“Who’s the brat?” Julian asked.

“Julian!” Alison said. “This is my friend’s baby. We’re looking after him for the weekend while she’s…busy.”

“And where may I ask is the infant’s nanny?” Fanny said, face inches from Alison’s.

“He doesn’t have one.”

“Disgraceful!”

Pat peered down, beaming at the baby and cooing. “Isn’t he precious? Aww, they’re so great at this age, aren’t they? Hey Julian, you have something in common. Both no trousers.” Pat laughed to himself but stopped when he realised that no-one else was laughing. 

“Baby laugh at me!” Robin said, pulling a face at him. 

“Baby can’t see you, Robin, I mean, Thomas can’t see you,” Alison said.

“Yes, I can, I’m right here,” said Thomas from beside her.

“Sorry, sorry, should explain. The baby’s name is also Thomas.”

Thomas stood back dramatically and touched his chest. “The baby is bequeathed the name Thomas in my honour?”

All the other ghosts groaned.

“No, well, sorry, he was already named that when we met my friend and it’s…a pretty popular name.”

Thomas’ smile turned into a frown and he turned away, disappointed. “Popularity. I shun popularity.”

“Is Kitty a popular name?” Kitty said, clutching her hands together and swaying. 

“Not bad. Old names are in.”

“Is Mary a names be used?” Mary asked.

“Yes, think so.”

“What about Fanny?”

Julian and Pat smirked, looking at Alison, and waiting for her answer.

“Well…not so much, no.” She coughed discreetly and then made the baby comfortable in the Moses basket. “Where’s Mike?” She called out. “Mike?!”

“A baby is not taken care of by the gentleman! What has this world come to?” Fanny said.

“I think the little chap’s a good little soldier,” the Captain said as he marched around the basket, swinging his stick in front of him. “We must make sure to attend to his needs promptly and carefully. Operation Tommy is in full swing.”

Mike arrived in the room carrying all the toys, boxes and bags of nappies at once. The pile of items reached his chin.

“I said make two trips, Mike,” Alison said.

“I got this.”

As he took a step forward, he promptly dropped all the stuff onto the floor. “That’ll do. It’s all soft stuff anyway.”

“You got his dummy, Mike?”

“He is the dummy,” Thomas whispered aside to Pat.

“Yep.” Mike pulled out the dummy which he had attached to a string around his neck.

Julian laughed. “Just like the rave scene in my day.” 

“Yes, well, anyway, we’ll clear all this later,” Alison said. “Mike could you go and warm up some milk while I explain some rules to the ghosts?”

“Sure thing,” he said, taking out his phone. “Google, how do I warm up baby milk?” he said into the device.

“Mike, it’s downstairs in the kitchen. Just gotta warm up the bottles.”

“Bottles! No wet nurse!” Fanny said, her face contorting in shock.

“Yeah breast is best,” Julian added.

“Got ya,” Mike said and he made his way to the kitchen.

Alison looked at Mary. “Oh actually, Mary, could you check on Mike, make sure he doesn’t make the milk too hot?”

“Leave it me, Alison,” she said as she ran through the wall.

When she arrived in the kitchen, Mike was sitting at the table looking at his phone. Mary ran to the fridge, stuck her head through the closed door, said hello to Humphrey’s head and then stared at the plastic milk bottle in the door. “Milk be cold, Alison,” she shouted.

Alison couldn’t hear her. “Mary? Mary? Mike? Oh, better go there myself.” She turned to the others, wondering who to ask to keep an eye on baby Thomas. She first looked at Julian and quickly dismissed him, next at Kitty and shook her head. Finally, she settled on Pat. “Pat will you keep an eye on him and call me if there’s something to do?”

“You can count on me, Alison, I’m great with babies.”

Alison smiled and left the room hesitantly.

Thomas frowned. “Why didn’t she ask me? I could be the father to her child.”

Julian nudged him. “Oh yeah?”

“A mother she would make.”

“Alison knows nothing about being a mother,” Fanny said. “She has to look it all up on that device.”

“In my day we raise baby as one. We can do same for baby,” Robin added. “Tribe is best for all.”

“That’s right,” the Captain said. “Tommy is all our responsibility.” He glanced at the wriggling baby. “And look at his little tootsie-wootsies.”

He turned to see the other ghosts were all glancing at him in surprise. The Captain cleared his throat and stood to attention. 

“He’s so cuddly and pink,” Kitty said, bending over him. “Like a little pig!”

Pat grinned and started singing ‘This Little Piggy went to Market.’

“Oh, let me join in!” Kitty said in a high-pitched shriek. “This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home. Oh, why did he stay home all alone? Let’s change it! This little piggy went to market, this little piggy went to market as well, this little piggy went dancing and this little piggy had everything he ever dreamed of.”

“Yes, thank you, Kitty,” the Captain said. He looked carefully at the baby. “Has anyone else noticed something?”

“That all babies look like Winston Churchill?” Julian said. “Yes, I agree.”

“No, no, not that,” the Captain said. “I mean, when Kitty sung just then, baby Tommy reacted.”

They all looked down into the basket and sure enough the baby stood staring up at them in wide-eyed wonder, glancing at each one in turn and giggling.

“You’re right,” Thomas said. “He can see us. Fascinating.”

“They say babies and animals can sense or see these things,” Pat said. “This is great. Someone else can see us!”

“We can be friends!” Kitty said. “I can dress him up and play toys with him.”

…

Meanwhile Alison entered the kitchen to find Mike on his phone, the microwave pinging and the back of Mary’s body sticking out from the fridge.

“Mike, don’t forget the bottle. Mary, what are you doing?”

She opened the fridge door.

“Milk still be too colds, Alison.”

“Mary, I didn’t mean…oh, don’t worry, go and join the others, I’ll see to it.”

…

After Alison had fed the baby and was holding it in her arms, she noticed he seemed to be uncomfortable. “Mike, can you look up burping the baby?”

“No problem.” He typed in ‘burping a baby’ on his phone and began scrolling.

“That is not how one holds a baby!” Fanny criticised her again.

“How would you know?” Pat asked. “Didn’t nanny do everything in your day?”

“Still did in my day, thank the lord,” Julian added.

“Our parents spent a whole hour a day with us,” Fanny said. “Don’t tell me they weren’t attentive.”

The baby hiccupped and Alison patted its back gently.

“Oh dear lord. Incoming!” The Captain said as the baby vomited over Alison’s shoulder.

“Never mind, Mike,” Alison said. She grimaced. “I’ll change this top.” She placed the baby into the basket. “Mike, can we find a better place to put Tom?”

“Where? Our room?”

“Maybe.”

“What about the nursery?” Fanny said.

They all turned to look at her except Mike who was staring at Alison.

“We have a nursery?” Alison said.

“We have a nursery?” Mike repeated.

“Of course we do,” Fanny said. “What kind of house doesn’t have a nursery? It’s next to my old bedroom.”

They followed her up the stairs, the ghosts glancing around as they entered the dusty old nursery, realising no one had ever set foot there before. There was a crib in the centre and shelves of old books. Wooden toys filled the room, including a rocking horse and a doll’s house which was a miniature version of Button House.

“It’s so pretty!” Kitty said, looking inside the doll’s house. “I had one just like this.”

“It’s magnificent, Fanny. How did we not know this was here?” Alison said. 

“I didn’t think you’d be using it,” she replied bluntly.

Alison made some space, ignoring Fanny’s comment. She looked at the crib in the centre and smiled. “We can put Tom in this old crib. Where is Tom?”

“Old crib?! Old crib?!” Fanny began repeating over and over.

They all looked at each other and shook their heads.

“Mike, where’s Tom?”

“Uh?”

“Oh god, we left him downstairs.”

“I’ll go,” Mike said with the Captain running after him, his knees high as he ran.

“To it, Michael, baby in distress!” he shouted as he left.

…

A while later, the ghosts were gathered in the nursery, watching as Alison sat next to the high-chair, holding a spoon of mushy food at the baby’s mouth.

“Why won’t you eat?” she said with an exasperated sigh. “Mike?” she called out. “Mike, why won’t it eat?”

From the next room she heard: “I’m on it.”

“You need to be creative,” Pat said. “Hold it to him again. Here comes the Millennium Falcon.” He made a whooshing sound which made the baby giggle but not eat.

“That’s preposterous!” The Captain said. “How about…here comes the spitfire, ready to strike old Gerry in the skies!” He made the sound of an aeroplane with his mouth.

Mary’s eyes widened. “It spits fire. Be it a dragon?” She suddenly screamed and they all watched as she ran through the wall only to return seconds later staring vacantly ahead.

“Baby eat when baby hungry,” Robin added.

“I’ll try again soon,” Alison said. “I’ll go and check on Mike.”

Suddenly the Captain sniffed the air. “Oh dear, I think we have a code brown on our hands.”

“It smells worse than burnings,” Mary said.

Julian laughed. “We had a code brown once at a political party conference Brighton ’89. A mix of cheap alcohol from the continent and horribly undercooked meat. Trots for days.”

“Raw meat good,” Robin grunted.

“What do we do?” Thomas said. “Fair Alison has left the room!”

“Code brown, code brown, we must all remain calm,” the Captain said. “Kitty, Mary, you fetch Alison. Thomas…”

Pat cut him off. “—or we could use this baby monitor that Alison said to use to call her? Great things, aren’t they?”

The Captain leaned over the monitor. “Code brown, Alison, code brown. It’s not working.”

“Maybe it’s turned off?” Thomas said.

They all looked at Julian. He sighed. “Fine, I’ll press the damn button.” With a deep breath and some arm stretches, he scrunched up his face, heaved and then placed his finger at the button, turning it on with all his might.

“Alison, code brown, code brown!” The Captain shouted.

“What’s a code brown?” Alison said as she arrived in the room, out of breath. She looked down at the baby.

“My namesake has released the contents of its bowels into its undergarments,” Thomas said.

“It’s napkin needs changing immediately,” the Captain said. 

Alison picked up baby Tom. “Oh, yeah, think you may be right. Thought it was just Robin.”

Robin sniffed himself and then nodded in agreement.

“I’ll deal with this, well of course I will, none of you can help.”

They all stood staring at her as she started to take off the dirty nappy and changed the baby on the nursery carpet.

“Not on the carpet!” Fanny screamed. “It’s beige!”

“Could you all back up a bit?” said Alison, directing it mainly at Kitty who was inches from her, giggling and grinning. 

“But he’s so cute!”

Alison pulled off the nappy and they all grimaced. 

“Not so cute now!” Julian said. “Eww.”

“Good god,” Alison said, heaving. “Mike?! Mike? Why is he always out when it’s the gross stuff?”

“What does that baby eat?” Fanny asked.

“Mushed babies,” Mary said. “On the jars its says baby food. It be food made of babies.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Mary,” the Captain said, clearing his throat.

Alison, without Mike’s help, completed the task and placed the baby back in the cot.

“Well, mission accomplished. Well done men,” the Captain said.

“I be womans,” Mary added.

…

Whilst Alison took a quick nap, Mike sat in the nursery, bopping the baby up and down on his lap, unaware that all the ghosts were watching him. Night had begun to fall and so he switched on the lamp. Robin’s eyes widened, realising there was a light he’d never experimented with.

“New light.” He heaved and concentrated as he stared at the lamp.

“Not again,” Thomas said, his eyes rolling upwards.

“He needs light, Robin,” Kitty said, sitting next to Mike, cooing over the baby. “There’s nothing worse than being trapped in the dark.”

“But…new…light.” Robin focused again and within seconds he’d blown a fuse and the whole house was plunged into darkness.

The ghosts all grumbled.

“What the hell?” Mike said, turning on his phone for some light. “Why does this house hate electricity? Suppose we better go down the cellar eh, Thomas?”

Thomas laughed mockingly. “Just why would I accompany you down the cellar?”

“He means the baby,” Julian added, tutting. 

“Oh.”

The ghosts followed Mike downstairs and then stopped when he reached the cellar, realising they had no desire to interact with the plague-ridden ghosts, besides they’d already outright banned Julian from ever setting foot there. Instead they waited for Mike.

“Don’t worry, Tom, it’ll be light soon,” Mike said as he opened the fuse box and fiddled about with a few switches. A moment later the lights came on, including the one in the cellar, revealing the dozen or so plague ghosts, standing right next to them.

“Aww a little baby,” one of the woman plague victims said. “Isn’t he a sweetheart?”

“Yeah he’s lovely. Reminds me of mine, you know, before the giant black boils,” said one of the men.

The baby stared at the plague victims and started screaming loudly.

“What is it?” Mike said, trying to gently bounce him. “Something scared you? Nothing down here to worry about, just some dust and grime and ghosts…but you can’t see…can you?” He looked at the baby who was looking around at the room, wailing and crying as its eyes scanned about. Mike peered over his shoulder. “Ok, let’s get out of here!”

As he and the baby emerged through the door at the top, the baby was crying hysterically. The ghosts followed Mike through the house to where Alison was asleep in their bed.

“Code water-works!” the Captain said.

“Code water-works, that might be confusing,” Pat said. “Do you mean crying or number ones?”

“You can see he’s crying, Patrick.”

“Will it ever shut-up?” Fanny said, covering her ears.

“Alison?” Mike shouted. “Alison, I think Tom’s one of you!”

Alison opened her eyes to see Mike holding the crying baby and all the ghosts surrounding the bed.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I think the baby can see the ghosts like you can. Was in the cellar, it looked around like you do like it was having a conversation with the air, well not a conversation, it’s a baby, but you know.”

“Oh that,” Alison said. “I worked that out already. Little Tom was giggling at Pat.”

“Anyone would giggle at a full-grown man in a scout’s uniform,” Julian added.

“Says a man in no trousers.”

“He can see us!” Kitty said enthusiastically. “Which means we can babysit all day and sing lullabies.”

“Someone at last beside fair Alison can interact with us,” Thomas said. “Well, at least acknowledge us.”

“In that case, Alison,” the Captain said. “We can activate operation Tommy and let you and young Michael have a well-earned rest.”

There was a pause. “Are you alright Alison, you haven’t said anything for five minutes?” Mike said.

“Sorry, yeah, I’m fine, the ghosts just offered to take care of Tom whilst we have some sleep. That’s kind of you all, we’d love to rest. I’ve never been so exhausted. The weddings were less stressful.”

Julian snorted. “Huh, babies, weddings, next we’ll do funerals.” He Looked at himself. “Oh right.”

…

The ghosts sat together in the nursery later that evening, watching as baby Tom sat in his crib, unable to fall asleep with the excitement of seeing all the interesting characters in front of him. Robin was attempting to make the mobile above the crib move but to no avail. 

“Not light” He shrugged. “Perhaps baby could look at moon-ah!”

“Good idea, Robin,” Kitty said, pretending to thrust open the curtains which were already open. “The moonlight is so romantic.”

“Reminds me of one of my poems,” Thomas said, rising to his feet and beginning to recite.

Julian sighed. “Ah here we go.”

“The moon doth shine on darkened soil where dwelled beneath, worms…”

“Bit dark there, mate,” Pat said.

Thomas huffed dramatically. “Fine, so be it. Damn your ears! Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are.” He shuddered. “Simple rhymes.”

“Up above the world so high!” Kitty sung.

Mary thought for a moment and then attempted to continue the song. “Like a pie…uh…a pie…yes.”

The Captain coughed. “Yes, very good, Mary. I must say, great team work.”

Fanny looked over at Pat who suddenly seemed quiet. “What’s the matter?”

They all turned to look at him and Kitty noticed the tear upon his cheek. 

Mary leaned in close. “Ye be leaking.”

“Oh, it’s silly,” Pat said, shaking them away.

The Captain touched his shoulder. “Chin up, Patrick.”

“What bothers you?” Thomas asked.

Pat looked at the baby, watching as its eyes began to close. “Reminds me of my nipper. And it got me thinking about how we can watch over this little champ and he can even see us but we can’t hold him.”

Fanny coughed lightly. “Well…it doesn’t make you less of a caregiver I suppose. There are many ways to look after someone.”

The Captain smiled. “Fanny’s right. We weren’t all meant for a…uh…traditional life, doesn’t mean we don’t feel…things.”

“We all parents,” Robin added. “I be Mary’s parent and she be Humphrey’s parent and Kitty be Thomas parent—“

“—Yeah we get it, Robin,” Julian said. “Yes, we were all here to look out for each other when the next one popped off and got re-born in a sense.”

“Except you?” Fanny said.

“Yes, right, probably for the best,” he said, adjusting his collar.

“So, we’re all a family?” Kitty said, wiping away a happy tear. “How wonderful!” She threw her arms around the Captain.

He stood rigid and gently pulled her away. “Steady on Kitty, this is still operation Tommy. We mustn’t become too complacent.”

“I’m going to miss other Thomas,” Thomas suddenly admitted. “Never got the chance to have children, my life being so cruelly taken by that fiend.”

“We were all deprived of life’s wonderful things,” Pat said. “And taunted now to be surrounded by it.”

“But we together,” Robin grunted. “We have family. We have beauty things. We have moon-ah.”

“And we have Alison,” Kitty said.

Thomas sighed romantically. “We certainly do.”

“And strong young Michael,” the Captain said.

Thomas frowned. “We certainly do.”

“You’re right, guys,” Pat said. “We should be grateful for what we do have, not what we don’t.”

“Exactly,” Fanny said. “I could complain that my house is full of undesirables at all hours and that I’m forced to share my inheritance with that girl… but I don’t. I keep quiet like any good lady does.”

Pat leaned over the crib. “We’ll take care of you, little champ, don’t you worry. Until tomorrow night, we’re your guardian angels.”

At that moment, headless Humphrey wandered over carrying his head in his hands. “There’s a baby here? Why do I never hear about these things?”

“Usually because your ears are elsewhere. Where have you been?” Julian asked.

“Head was in the fridge.” Humphrey’s body plopped his own head down in the cot beside the baby.

“You’ll frighten poor Thomas!” Fanny called.

“I’m fine,” Thomas replied. “Oh right… him… sorry.”

There was a little knock on the door and then Alison entered quietly. “I’m sure you’re all doing a great job but I got up to get a glass of water and thought I’d check up on you…I mean…check on Tom.”

She leaned over the crib and saw the baby sleeping next to Humphrey’s severed head. “Oh my god!”

…

Climbing back into bed, she nudged Mike. “Everything’s fine.”

Mike rolled over to face her, rubbing his tired eyes. “Ghosts still babysitting?”

“Yeah.” She kissed Mike on the cheek. “They’re not bad at it, you know, Mike? If we ever had a baby, think they’d take good care of it.”

“Oh god, you’re not….?”

“Oh good god, no, the ghosts are like having a whole bunch of children already. No, they’re all the family we need.”

She turned off the light and then a second later turned it back on again. “Oh right, I forgot to get the baby its bear. Where did I put it?”

Mike whipped out his phone and began typing.

“You don’t need to google that, Mike.”


End file.
